The One....The Only....

I finally figured out why I'm single.

I had an "epiphany". A moment of clarity, and I realized why I'm perpetually single...

The universe needs me.

Its like this. I cannot have a girlfriend or significant other because the universe needs me. Im here for a reason, I'm The One or something like that. I will, in my lifetime, go on to become the saviour of the universe as we know it.

Which is why i cannot date or be distracted by other such frivolties. Thus, the universe goes out of its way to clear my path of all distractions. It sends me to a MBA college where the women shave more than I do. When I thwart that, it makes all the interesting women leave town. It also ensures that the ones that are still in town find other guys and get hooked up BEFORE i meet them.

Thats because I'm The One. I can't date because I would just wreck any girl's life. I'd have to leave her and go off and save the universe and probably die in the bargain... so the universe is keeping me honest and focused. Its making sure that when the day comes, I have no attachments that will make me want to shirk my responsibility.

So yeah, be nice to me. I'm doing this for you, all of you in the universe. To save YOUR hides.

So yeah, thats why I'm always single. Thats my theory.

Its VERY scientific.

And a lot easier than believing that maybe im single just because I'm pathetic.