When Confusion Prevails.....

i really am confused...most of the time i repress what i feel just to get all this confusion out of my head..i ignore facts and live up life that seems to be ideal..or is it? some says im really confident with everything that i do...or everythintg that i say...but gosh if only someone knows how i really feel inside they'll say that im not really anything ryt now...i mean..i dont think i have a talent..im not powerful or anything..my life seems so ordinary..
and people always go away...well i even dont know if those who are ryt beside me are true friends..(although some are)...since i was young all i want in lyf is to be happy...but there are always circumstances that makes it so unhappy...
i know i shud not be saying this because still im lucky in one way or another because my life has been normal..but if there are already things that bothers me...i cant tell it to anybody anymore...well i tell it to other people but in a way that says..hey i have a problem but i can handle this..well i always say that..and actually i really cant...well i knw i havent experienced the worst yet but there a saying that says suffering is the same for everybody..(not really the exact words)..so when i suffer..i really do suffer...hahay..so drama ako ngayon..well thats my life...

When the DARK SIDE decides to attack......

I am being plagued by a beast. It is in my home, unwelcome, unwanted.

Where it came from, I don’t know.

Why it is here, I cannot say.

But it means to rile me…

It all started first thing Wednesday morning. My alarm went off at six am, I groggily thumped it in order to end the clattering cacophony coming from my bedside table, then I pulled back the covers and sat up.

Almost immediately – with no provocation on my part - I was set upon by a winged serpent, dive-bombing me kamikaze-like from the roof: it swooped from the ceiling straight at my face, then pulled up at the last minute.

I leaped about six feet off the bed in terror, screaming “fuck!” in a voice so loud that the neighbours next door began thumping at the wall.

Then I saw it….

Perched on the door - laughing at me – was a moth. And not just any moth – this was the Godzilla of moths. This was Tyrannosaurus Moth. This was Darth Moth. This was one of the Four Horse-moths of the Apocalypse.

This was a moth that came straight from Hell….

And it was here for me…

Quickly, I eyed the room for some form of weapon to defend myself against the demon; my eye fell on a brush, still leaning against the wall from where I had been cleaning the night before. That would be my only salvation.

But the dragon was between the brush and me, and it was waiting for me to make the first move. I could hear it taunting me – “You want that brush, don’t you?” it was saying. “Then take it. I am unarmed. Strike me down and your journey towards the Dark Side will be complete…”

The last thing I wanted to do before breakfast was to turn to The Dark Side, but I had no choice. Moving with speed, I leaped across my bed, rolled Ninja-like on the floor and grabbed for the brush.

But the flapping gargantuan was already upon me, and as I reached to defend myself, it attacked - banging off my face, fluttering around the back of my head, soaring high, then swooping to attack once more.

I waved my arms around like Kermit the Frog in an attempt to deflect it, but the punishment still came.

Then abruptly, the attack ceased. I slowly scanned the room to see where the pestering pterodactyl had gone to, but it was nowhere to be seen. With my brush held in front of me, tightly in both hands like a lightsaber, I slowly searched the room – but my winged nemesis had vanished.

Unfortunately it hadn’t gone for good…

and when the dragon returns i hope to fight back,and send it to its doom.................... stand over its CORPSE and say "REST IN PEACE"
until then " MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU"

Someone once asked me

Someone once asked me what i thought of them, me being the terrible on the spot person that i am i had no response, so i guess i can answer that question now or something.

you look marvelous etc, you're intelligent and so on, there i said it.


and AFTER CONFERRING WITH MY LEGIONS OF FANS

Yeah, i'm gonna write a novel, i have deliberated very carefully on this matter and spoken to many people and millions of fans (well just one person, and she's not really a fan, she just likes to agree with me to make me shut up)

but either way i'm oging to write a novel, i'm thinkin sci-fi, i've always been interested in the subject and i think i could do it justice.

STAY TUNED, SAME BAT TIME, SAME BAT CHANNEL.

so, in an effort to write a 150 page novel (of various crap) in 30 days.Earlier, i used to write like a chill'in villain but things happened and i lost alot of creativity, it's been a while and wanted to know what you (my readers ;/) thought i should do.

"Longing"....

At a point where I'm lost for words
at the end with jus my heart
it's much too cliche
but I'll give it all
than to lye in wait
never knowing
a perfect moment

it's tough that time is against us
your touch fleeting
I miss you so damn much..
as if I do not have enough on my mind
i'm tired of the world
waking up beside you
a memory by which I last each day

I figure I might be obsessed
cos I get nothing done
shut my eyes
and you're standing before me
but ending far too soon
your face etched into my hands
arms outstretched
my silent cry

it hurts to love
so hard, so fast, so real
a tear is shed today
for a tomorrow that is brighter
a painful past
an unsure future
i know not what it holds
promise..
hold nothing back


I've gazed into your eyes a thousand times before.. I've held your hand and kissed your cheek.. and each time I hold you close... i secretly wish.. you would embrace me as you own.. but you show no willingness to open your soul.. it hurts me.. that you shown me nothing after all this time.. i was helpless lost and unsure.. it hurts me.. that you've shunned me.. locked your feelings away.. now i blame you for all the turmoil i feel inside.. i know not love.. or how to love.. i know neither what i want.. nor who to trust..

and as the song goes...............

"A lifetime of fear.. so close to the edge ready to leap off..
Caution flutters in the wind.. This one leap..
and theres no turning back.. Fly or die.."

A fantasy is truly ethereal until you wake up and realize its nothing but thin air, the lines for my fantasy gal always existed but she is nothing but thin air for me till now........................ if only...only if

Nobody knows u like a Stranger

Its always in a times of loneliness that people express and reminisce of love. A feeling lost and barely out of reach. A memory vivid yet never quite enough.. for you say love is an eternal presence.. one who has walked out of your life.. leaving you shattered.. your heart aching.. and you've forgotten why you bother waking up each morning.. no one understand this void you feel.. the pain..

Sometime very soon the POET in me is gonna wake up.........and RAISE HELL....... i should seriously think about doing something to stop such lines....uffffff

after this post.. i'm heading straight to bed... *yawn* i'm tired.. this week was rather draining.. even though i didnt really do anything significant.. jus been really kinda drained recently.. n looking forward to the hols..
ppreaciate it..

i think god works in mysterious ways too... after my Marketing class.. i managed to get picked to do the assignment with what i felt was the stronger group in my class..

yea.. right about now its sounding super trivial.. n rather primary sch.. n plain superficial.. but at that moment.. jus getting picked did a fair bit to counter that feeling of alienation.. erm.. feeling really dumb right now..

so just to let everyone who loves me know.. muack muack.. that i'm over that...

i'm feeling all good.. hmm.. *yawn*

whats going on.....!!!!

Not that i don't want to study or revise.
And i know examinations are over.
I also know that i scored badly in the tests.

Problems ARE:

I get sleepy easily..juz by reading the notes, trying to figure out the whys n hows. Thinking that it was because of the stale air in my room, i studied in the living room. I would still be sleepy, somemore...
...Temptations outside in my living room is too great- the computer with its online connection makes me wanna surf the net, play POOL or WORMS...wahhhhh!
I cant focus really...read abt some ABCs theories, "ok..so this is the A's theory". I get up to get a drink, come back and i was like, "hmmmm, what's the theory i was studying abt juz now? B's or C's?? wtf...-.-" *messing with my hair vigourously*
plainly...i think i'm lazy. Short, sweet, cute and nice 4-letter word: LAZY >.<
no urgency feeling. This school did really stress us on the importance of the grades that much as what i used to experience back in the past, thou i know abt "打包" phenomenon that occurs commonly in University..i was thinking: fail? fail lo!