The "Random" Theory...!!!

Meet Random Student. Up until last week, he lead a happy life, much like yours or mine; he'd wake up in the morning, attend college, hang out with friends and beat up people weaker than him. But these once happy eyes have no spark and laughter in them anymore. Random Student is one of only thousands of students across the city of hyderabad who have been affected by the mysterious disease that doctors are now calling "The Project Menace". Random Student says he isn't sure, but he thinks he contracted it at college, where he was attending class like on any other day when the professor suddenly injected all the students with this life-threatening disease. "The students in front of me all started crying loudly and wetting their trousers but I didn't understand why. I couldn't have known then, the fate that awaited us."

The Project Menace has affected the lives of many students. Common symptoms include being hunched at a computer, copy pasting information from the Internet into a Word document, gouging fellow student's internal organs out with their fingernails, falling to the floor with their mouth foaming and loss of bladder control.

Just yesterday The Project Menace claimed another victim as a student ran naked down the street, screeching his lungs out. This is not a witty turn of phrase, his lungs were in fact ejected from his body at the velocity of a mid-sized hurricane...

While there is no cure for this menace, students are turning their anger and frustration towards Bill Gates, head of Microsoft, for inventing Microsoft Powerpoint, which is commonly used by professors to inject The Project Menace into unsuspecting students.

Cure or no cure, one thing is for certain. For the hapless students of Hyderabad, time, sanity and levels of patience are running out.

S.K. Chaitanya, BBC News,Hyderabad.

"With love" from Kris....

Because I'm a lovely person and because it’s that time of the year, I'm drawing up a list of goodies and gifts for some of my FAVORITE people. Don’t you love me?!


To our dearest friend Britney Spears we present Extra Resistant Super Strong Body Armour: For All Those Times You Can’t Stop Touching Your Disgusting Self. I never thought I’d ever say “Get a room” to a girl standing on her own! Hit her baby one more time!

To our favorite new moms Gwenyth Paltrow and Julia Roberts, we give an exquisite hardcover edition of “1,001 Baby Names That NORMAL People Use” in case they ever decide to have more children. Hardcover so that if they don’t learn from their first mistakes (“Apple Blyth”, “Phinnaeus Walter”) they can beat themselves to death using the book.

To sweet, gentle and terminally stupid Paris Hilton I present this special high-resolution Navy Seals Standard Night Vision Camera: For All Those Special Night Moments You Want To Film! So we’ll look forward to a sequel of that tape then?

To everyone’s favorite siblings Janet and Michael Jackson; I’d like for you two to have this plastecine Play-Dough.
Michael; this will mold well into the shape of your nose.
Janet; apply liberally to innerwear to prevent another wardrobe malfunction.

To everyone’s SECOND favorite siblings, The Good Brothers Ambani, here; I saw this tube of Fevicol at the gift store and I couldn’t NOT buy it for you! Use liberally… yeh fevicol ka jod hai and all that.

Michael Moore, I have TWO gifts for you; your own hat… and some crow. Eat them both please. And for dessert try some of our EXTRA special home-made Foot-In-Mouth custard.

Ah, to you Mr. George W Bush… what do you give to the man who has everything? Oh I know! Here, please accept this special edition director’s cut DVD of Fahrenheit 9/11! And here’s an English Language Dictionary too.

To the Indian Cricket Team I present this all-paid for, totally free ten year vacation to Tahiti, where we’ve arranged for you have the rare honor and privilege of representing their national team… at hockey.

And finally, to Hyderabad's Page 3 people… in fact!!! To EVERYONE on this list we’d like to apologize. We wanted all of you to get a life as well but sadly none of the stores had them in size “XXL IDIOT”. Ah well, next year then!

The world as today....

An actual conversation I heard today while getting a drink at the college cafeteria.

Guy #1: "Hey man! Did you do the book review?! I copy pasted the whole thing from the internet. I wrote about 30 percent on my own"

Guy #2: (looking ashamed of his friend): "HA! You wrote on your own! What a guy. My whole thing is copy-pasted! Start to finish! HA HA!"

Guy #1 now feels extremely threatened. His status as a ignorant boor is under threat because he made the effort to write some stuff on his own.

Guy #1: "HA HA man, Actually, even that 30 percent was copied from another site man. HA HA!"

Guy #2: "HA HA"

Sigh... Is it just me or is it frightening that each of them actually wanted to prove that they were the lazier, more incapable of independent thought than the other? That each of them took pride in being incapable of having their own original opinions on a simple book?

Sigh... today I have seen this world's future my friends... is the apocalypse clearly cometh.

Step up to the Plate Son...

I'm a bit of an exhibitionist... Damned if I'm not proud of it too...

It's an adrenalin thing I think... I'm not an actor, not a musician, not a dancer... Not really a big stage person when you come to think of it... I'd suck at any of the above...

But...

But I love the rush of getting up there, under arc-lights, and/or in front of a big bunch of people and just doing my thing... Presentations, moderating debates, hosting stuff, just... chilling... here's what I love about it...


(Ten)

I love the jitters that snake through your system ten minutes before the start of an event...

(Nine)

I love the involuntary twitching of muscles that just HAPPENS while you're building up... Hell, if I hold my hand out, I could pass off as Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan, given the amount it shakes...

(Eight)

The dread of screwing up, of just BEING up there starts seeping in... suddenly your stomach feels vaguely unsettled, the next thing you know, your entire body has this odd feeling of butterflies and goosebumps and you just KNOW you're going to make a gigantic ass of yourself... In blind panic, your body injects a billion and one hormones into your system and you could just SWEAR you actually feel them washing over your spine...

(Seven)

As you go over your prepared speech (if in fact, you're lucky enough to have one), you play it over in your head, trying out different moods and tones, different ways of saying it, wondering if you'd be better off sounding like a CNN anchorman or a stand-up comic... or maybe a flat out deadpan "I'm a Bruckheimer film General"?

(Six)

As you actually say it out loud to yourself and you can't help wondering how unbelievably shaky your voice sounds, how incredibly unconfident and hopeless it all seems

(Five)

How you suddenly realize that when your excretory system teams up with your nervous system and imagination, they're a bitch, insisting that you need to pee... right there... right then...

(Four)

"Oh shit, I'm going to shit my pants"

(Three)

You think it's best to calm yourself by taking deep breaths. Inhale... uh-oh, I can't breathe... Exhale... damn, my breath feels hot, feverish and laboured...

(Two)

Hmmm, you think I should try the odd joke? The odd one-liner? Probably not, because there's nothing, and I mean, NOTHING worse than tossing a one-liner at the audience and getting NOTHING in return but a stony silence... Earth, swallow me up swallow me up NOW!

(One)

Right... here we go...

(Showtime)

And then everything just STOPS...

Everything just STARTS

Everything just HAPPENS

No jitters, no shudders, nothing... dead calm, you're out there like you were BORN to do this stuff, and nothing else matters... The words are flowing, calm, no jitters, no stutters (ok, maybe the ODD stutter) but you wouldn't really know because you can barely hear yourself

You're in the zone and the zone is a fucking good place to be... the adrenalin's in your system, you own the crowd, the stage lights form your very own personal sun, and this is your moment in it...

And it doesn't matter... On the odd day I can work the crowd, force them into weak smiles if nothing else... most days, probably not though... but like I said, it doesn't matter... good days, bad days, horrid days... I don't even know if I'm good at it... I'm probably NOT... To the crowd I'm probably a stuttering, bland mess, nine out of ten probably aren't even listening, the one who is is probably bored shitless and thinks they could do a better job with their hands tied behind their back...

But it doesn't matter... because the rush is coursing through you, making you feel good, making you feel alive... You're there...

Yeah... you're there...

Damn I love it...

It takes a FrEaK to find a FrEaK...

It has been a long while since my last entry. No thanks to college and circumstances, personal and this region of the world. They crowded out the time and prevented my thoughts from forming. And so, here I am - left with the most uninteresting blog. Sorry if you have been a faithful follower. It is my fault. I admit. My apologies.

Over the last few days, life has been boring. I really felt the blues. But then, I’m reminded today that joy and satisfaction comes from within. External circumstances never stay the same and if I am to be steady like a rock in my emotions, I can see things from a better perspective. From the inside to the outside.

I had an interesting talk with a friend the other day about christianity. Now anyone who knows anything about me knows I am not sure of the existance of God,but i do not Question his existence. Ideally, if i knew there was a God I would be an awfully smart person. Anyway they tell me to believe in God you have to have faith that he just "does" exist. To me faith is fine and is a wonderful thing. We all have to have faith in something otherwise life is kind of in vain I think myself. Simply, it is hard for me to believe in something I cannot see nor will make itself known. That's just the way I am but I have never knocked anyone for believeing in God. Whatever makes your mop flop is fine with me. They then said to me, what about love, you can't see love either but yet you believe in that. I was kinda stunned actually that they said that. I have seen love many times. The way that I will look at the one I love and the way she will look at me. The way two people that truly love each other, to me that's seeing love. Can't be anything else right? Right !! Love can be seen daily by each of us all if we take the time to look. They proceeded to ask me then why relationships fail if love can be seen that easily. Again to me it was a dumb question. Because faith didn't prevail in the relationship or the other didn't have enough faith in themselves or the other person that loved them. Faith is needed in a lot of things whether it be believing in God or yourself, others and even love. Pretty deep stuff huh ? I thought so too. Out for now.....Be well people......and never give up......I have realized giving up is for the weak.......I am far from weak.....

Those who live in accordance with the Divine laws without complaining .Firmly established in faith, are released from KARMA.