moi 1st CrUsH

It goes a long way back,back to good old school days. It was in my sixth standard,well that was when i was in this GURL HATER CLUB..... strange isn't it. Never ever in my wildest of dreams did i want a sister, lotta ppl might disagree but having broz is much more fun, its empirical.
While this kid was happily playing around, BANG......CRASH....KABOOM enter shweta........ oh wat a gal, one of the very few gals at tht age with whom i wanted to be pally with.Now lemme describe SHWETA, she should be around 5'6,fair,black eyes, brownish medium length hair, a captivating smile and a enchanting voice.....she was the "IGNITE A SPARK" kinda gal.
Our friendship started in a strange fashion, at KING & CARDINAL (KC) it was a saturday afternoon and as usual we guys had a special class and moi was at KC having a burger and pepsi,shweta too comes there to have lunch but is all alone..... so was i.. we were class mates for a month now but neva spoke to each other. Moi was shocked when she said HI to me,i replied with a HELLO and we started talking about our class etc etc and we even walked back to school together...my 1st ever walk with a gal,from tht day for the next 1 month we spoke to each other daily and every oppurtunity,guess she was amused to spend time with a "TALKING MONKEY"
Come august and i had realized how much i liked her and i would like to think the attraction was mutual,based on the fact tht she spent a lotta time with me. As we started spending more and more time with each other the bond between us started growing stronger and stronger at 12 i didn't have a clue about what was happening but i never wanted it to end. SHWETA used to do these small wonderful things for me,she always used to get biscuits for me,complete my telugu notes,carry a extra pencil box,do my craft work because she never liked tht MOTI craft teacher scolding me. INTERESTINGLY,i started slogging like hell in order to compete with her in the acads dept and a 70% student like me raised and bar and moi avg scores were around 82%..............
SHWETA and me as expected shared a spl bond, we shared a lotta special things together and yes i still have the PERFUMED candle that she gave it to me as a present she got tht for me all the way from pondicherry. As she stayed close to my place,we used to spend saturday afternoons together mostly at moi place playing with my NINTENDO......... GOOF TROOP being our fav game coz we could play it together. somehow SHWETA always wanted to play only those games that she was good at,which i neva quite agreed to. OU campus has been a place where we did spend some time,specially at landscape garden,but our fav hangout was KING & CARDINAL we used to go there every saturday afternoon to eat a burger and also spend some quality time together.
SHWETA and moi had our share of fights too, well she used to hit me if i didn't give her my choclates........ she fought for very petty reasons watelse could you expect from two 12 yr olds.
The best thing abt SHWETA and moi was tht,not only did we like each other a lot but we were also BEST buddies,which further enhanced the liking between us.
This perpetual BLISS lasted for 2 whole years nothing could go wrong i felt like an invincible warrior and incidentally SHWETA happens to be the 1st gal i ever spoke with my father about.
After my 7th standard, i heard the news tht her family was shifting to b'lore nothing ever hurt me more. SHWETA herself never told me this news,but we didn't speak to each other for 1 whole week........ and finally we spoke, before she left i searched a lotta places to find her a gift with which to remember me by abd i presented her a small wooden ship complete with sails and a mast too. SHWETAz family finally left,and the day before they left she came to meet me and spent 3 hours alone with me and that was the 1st and till date the only PECK or anything of tht sort tht i got from a gal and i didn't return the favour cause i was totally pissed off at her for leaving hyderabad. After SHWETA left,i kinda started feeling lonely....took to sports.... somehow i got hardened from inside..... the word CALLOUS entered into my life...........
After 7-8 yrs i finally meet SHWETA again, at LIFESTYLE but alas she was with her FIANCE..... for a moment the FLAME was REKINDLED again. Now shez happily married and hopefully is content with her life.


She might have left me and gone,but SHWETA will always have a special place in my heart.......... she happens to be my PUPPY LOVE.

Looking out of the Window........!!!!!

Its a another dreamy sunday evening,ye the same time when we sit in our room and stare out of the window.......... but what is it that we are watching.....is it the people,the kids laying in the street or is it LIFE itself......... what is it ???????
Somebody once told me that as a young adult,monday-friday(eve) is career oriented.friday(eve) - saturday is for one's personal pleasure and the whole of sunday should be dedicated to family......... true most of these things are over lapping. But a few minutes ago when i was sitting at the window of my window and staring at the white building across the street,my thoughts started to wander............ they actually were flying... pretty impressive heh....!!!
What actually is this "WINDOW" we are looking out of, it is Your own "LIFESTYLE"......... surprised don't be. A individuals perception of life or society is based on both external(friends, where he hangs out etc) and internal factors (values,principles...etc) and as a person i would certainly look at the outside environment with a predetermined BIAS towards my "way of life" and good or bad would be based on this BIAS.
when we look out of this multi-layered window............. WHAT ARE WE LOOKING OUT FOR..........now isn't this the big Question............. it is in these kinds of moments when a person is vulnerable,he thoughts affect him/her in a such a manner that it creates a BIAS or PREJUDICE in his mind towards another depending not only on his experiences with the person but also based on what friends and family tell YOU about that other person........... sometimes it can be your own decision ...... well Inclination would be a better word ,i would say.
Now these are the moments that LOVE happens,atleast to a certain extent. When you sit all alone with yourself,we start to think and ponder about our interactions with others and if we have happy/interesting time with someone we do a lot of introspection about it and sub-consciously we develop an AFFINITY towards them.]
There goes my very nature of being a " Die Hard Romantic" well atleast believes am 1..... well don't blame me am trying to get in touch with the more refined things in LIFE.
Having spoken about love and solitude we shouldn't forget that these moments can really inspire a person to excel,to be what he always wanted to be cause in these moments of solitude as we start reflecting on our past experiences we feel this potent surge to do what we have not been able to do, it is in these moments that we fall back on the glorious moments of our HEROS........... and trust me its every little boy's dream to be compared with his HERO, and with the resurgence of these thoughts we feel the PASSION rekindled and after that moment it all depends on how bad you want it.

So the "window" we are staring out of isn't actually a window,its actually our personal outlook towards life and what we see outside this window totally depends on the individual...... for the better or for the worse this "WINDOW" of exploration is essential to the very existence of Humanity.

A lil "Introspection'....

Well, I can honestly say the last couple weeks have been interesting, there has been a lot of stuff going on in my life that I’m not entirely ready to talk about, but there has also been a lot of things going on that I am ready to talk about
lifez been very confusing oflate............... my mindz wandered thru a lotta things of late........... from sex 2 spirituality...... sometimes i wonder when this QUEST will stop........
VISU(cousin) drops in yest and the topic meanders towards spirituality........ he says " there comez a point in every persons life when he/she looks out for GOD and inturn sways towards SPIRITUALITY"........ well until then am a HEDONIST to the core.................
My life doesn't seem to have any particular pattern,a few days ago got into a big arguement with a pal of mine about HINDUISM....... now hez an atehist and doesn't concur to the existence of GOD.... but KC ol'chap finally made him realize tht GOD is the PERCEPTION of human mind.... GOD exists b'coz we humans want it that way.
Ye talking about GOD, i don't Question his presence specially having been brought up in a GOD fearing family..... but am not the the kind of person to discuss RELIGION or PHILOSOPHY with....
I AM NOT AS EVOLVED AS YOU ARE. I CANNOT RELATE TO LARGER ENTITIES LIKE MANKIND OR HIGHER IDEALS EXCPET THROUGH A PERSON.MY GOD HAS TO BE PERSONAL,ALIVE,A PALPABLE PRESENCE.HE HAS TO PERMEATE,MY MIND AND BODY. HE MUST FILL EVERY INCH IN AROUNDME,LIKE MIRABAI'S KRISHNA. IF I HAVE THAT THERE IS NO SCARIFICE THAT I CANNOT MAKE,THERE IS NO RIVER I CANNOT SWIM ACROSS,NO WORK THAT I CANNOT COMPLETE,HOWEVER DIFFICULT.
well,my idea about my kinda GOD seems to have come out ok....

GOD is a PERCEPTION and this PERCEPTION encompasses a lotta things..... which i truly is a lot to talk abt........

The Whatever.........

To coin a phrase from the great Bogart film Cassablanca, we continue to wait and wait and wait. . . . What are we waiting for? Talking about the "wait" that individuals have to endure, is quite interesting. The so called "wait" of an individual is a direct reflection/reflections of his aspirations and inner most desires. Every individual waits for something in life. If an individuals life is akin to a GRID their always some squares which are left empty,well is that bad, i don't think so. This wait is what carves the character of a person,and as we know CHARACTER IS NOT MADE IN A CRISIS,ITS EXHIBITED.
Their are only 2 things that i always wait for in life,LOVE and SUCCESS its an eternal Quest that never seems to end.....atleast not yet. The worst part with success is an individual is never content with it and LOVE.... don't think am the right person to comment about it........ Disqualified on being a Fresher.
Success always belongs to 1 individual, using him as a channel it conduits through his family and friends but LOVE is a totally different entity. LOVE begets LOVE now this phrase should be thrown out of the window, in retrospect how i wish that phrase so true. If only LOVE begets LOVE,there wouldn't have been a DEVDAS........and ofcourse the legendary DOG..shawl and his whisky bottle.
I always out of curiosity read a few articles on relationships that get published in newspapers,now sometimes i can't stop laughing at them cause they seem so absurd....but the fact of the matter is the remedies or whatever they call it do work....but its a short term arrangement.... Now this is an Empirical statement made my a friend of mine.
" There exist only three things worthy of respect, the priest,the soldier and the poet. To Know,to kill and to Create. Love is always or should i say has been always expressed symbolically using poetry,and Love has always been respected by mankind as the refined essence of Life itself. Once we mention love can music be far behind, and what better words than " After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is MUSIC"............... Music has been used as an instrument to convey Love not just by the learned but by the layman too,cause as ELVIS once said " I don't know anything about music,i don't need to". Music itself shows the individual a path to express himself.
Love is in the air, all we need to do is to sense it. Its not about finding the perfect lover its about Creating Perfect LOVE.
I started out wanting to write about the "WAIT" of individuals for that few special things in life that we as individual cherish about but it has come out as something totally different,Strange are the ways of blogging.